I want to go home

I never imagined this could ever be so hard. I want to pass this test so badly, but I feel like no matter what I do, I'm just treading water. I feel like I'm so close to breaking through, to getting on the other side of all of this, but now matter how hard I try I just can't break through. I want to more than just pass this test, I want to annihilate it. I want to prove that I AM stronger than this, and I will succeed at becoming a doctor. I want hope and change, hopefully when Obama wins tomorrow, I can feed off of that energy. I just want to move on, I can't get past this. I want it to end. I want to sit down, focus, not be nervous, think clearly and know the questions that I can get. I want to feel calm and confident going into the test, and know that I can do it. I want control and consistency with my scores. I want to look in the mirror and not feel defeated. I need to calm down, take things slowly and enjoy them, and know that I am just as good if not better than everyone else. I want to stop doubting myself all the time. I want to know that it's all going to be ok, and that soon we will have enough money and time to enjoy life. I want a baby, but I also want a little bit of time to enjoy just being successful before adding a baby into the mix. I'm not asking for things to be easy, I just want for them to be enjoyable again.